This is a tough time of year for many people, I get it. I’ve been in similar situations. This article will not be a “feel good” article. It may offend you or cause you to dislike me. It is raw, it is unedited.
I am not concerned with any of those possibilities.
Why?
The need is great, thus, it requires truth.
Between December 1 and December 21, 2018, there have been 15 law enforcement suicides.
More law enforcement officers have taken their own lives this year, as in many years past, than those murdered by violent acts in the line of duty. These are perilous times, these are volatile times, these are trying times. But, most of all, these times require us to respond. We cannot, as a society, sit back and allow these devastating losses to go unaddressed. It requires open, honest conversations. It will require money. It will require a united effort.
But, as a former law enforcement officer, allow me to shed light on this issue, one that is not popular, because it is not bureaucratic, politically correct, or censored.
In 2009, I swore an oath to protect my community. It was the first step in the process after being hired on as a city cop in an area responsible for around 60,000 citizens and 200,000 guests on any day. Just because they hire you, just because you are given a car, a gun, some gear to wear on your belt, doesn’t mean you are accepted and received by your peers. And when I tell you it is more important in law enforcement than in your high school days to be accepted, that is an understatement.
For some, being the “lone ranger” is just fine, but they are the exception, not the standard. If you can’t cut the chiding you receive from your fellow officers as a rookie, how can you be expected to handle the challenges of the streets? Then, as time progresses, and you grow, you bond with these men and women. They become your family. You are in tense situations together, you enjoy life’s events together, and soon enough, you are one. You are part of the family.
A screw up here or there gets you a write up or two, maybe a call to the sergeants office. No big deal. But, all it takes is one major mistake, and you are kicked out of what Robert De Niro called in “Meet the Parents” the “circle of trust.” To this point, you have been trained and molded to feel unstoppable, invincible, and now, you are exposed to the word: Disposable.
Law enforcement officers see, engage, and bear the burdens of things most citizens will never know about or have to be exposed to. It’s a fact. How many times have you been required to carry the bodies of deceased? Or give death notifications? Do you still have an emotional reaction based on certain sounds, smells, locations, etc? Difficult to understand if you haven’t been there.
After so much exposure to the absolute vile evil in this world, it is easy to fall into a trap of feeling and thinking “what is the use?” Or, even, “what’s the point of doing this, better yet, the point of living?”
Some feel hopeless after a few years, many have become cynical, hard-hearted and not because they are a bad person, rather, as a means of survival. No one trained us on handling the stressors the job presented.
But, that’s ok. We’re tough, macho, super warriors.
No, my friend, we’re human beings.
While certain media outlets, politicians, and demon activists have done their absolute best to demonize law enforcement and dehumanize them, it is important to remember these are still human beings.
These are human beings with feelings, families, and stress beyond the job.
Most law enforcement officers will not go to the supervisor and tell them about the nightmares they are having, just like they wouldn’t go to the supervisor or anyone else on the job and tell them they are having an affair, or having a substance abuse problem; that means an exposed liability. It means a lost job, cut pay, different assignments, there’s consequences in many cases.
Not to mention, if you do go for help, you are likely to be ostracised and tossed to the side. Remember, disposable.
Law enforcement suicides is a complex issue that requires a calculated, but authentic and effective, response.
Why do people take their own lives?
Several years ago, I was in that situation. It never progressed past the thoughts, but I was there. I battled with it.
Here’s some of the common thoughts I had, and have shared with many:
“This world would have been better off had I not been born.”
“I’d be better off dead.”
Look, I get it. Buried in debt, problems on the job, problems in the home, dead end after dead end, no hope in site and seemingly trapped at all angles. What’s the freakin’ use? Why continue?
As a former crisis negotiator, one of the biggest takeaways I gained from my training was this: If you keep them talking, they are not harming themselves or others.
We’re not talking about this issue near enough. We continue to suppress it, put bandaids over it, and demonize those who do seek help.
I am not a “preacher.” But, I am also not a counselor, doctor, or therapist. I am a former cop. I am a former street cop, a former investigator, I wore the uniform, I bore the burden, I was on the brink of losing it all, but by the grace of God, I am here.
You’ll never hear me bash you. Tough love? Meh, if needed, not usually. The dynamics of every situation are different, this is in no way to demean those dynamics or to diminish the severity of pain you are feeling. It is to let you know, there is help.
If you need help, there’s help. Tons of it. If you need to know people care about you, there are people who care. Many. If you just need to dump some of the mess you are wrestling with, there are people who will listen. I know you are tough, and I know you want to do this on your own, but my brother, my sister, you were not built to handle this on your own.
I am not here to preach to you. I am the backup. I am your assisting officer. I am your brother in blue, here, fighting for you. There is hope beyond your hopelessness, and there is help beyond your circumstances.
Friends, our law enforcement officers need to know they are going to be taken care of. They need to know if, at any given point, they are required to lay it all down for their community, that their communities will take care of them. Why is this so difficult? Why is this such an issue that agencies cannot see beyond “liability” and take care of their own? Many are, many are not.
This is a culture issue. This is beyond a professional issue. This is a culture issue. Take care of your brothers and sisters. Take care of your officers. Take care of each other. If you are trying to carry your burdens alone, it’s time to let some others help along the way.
We are better together. Don’t let the demons of this society destroy that.
What helped me? Who helped me?
A man named Jesus. The love of my heavenly Father radically changed me. There’s help for you. You are primed for help, primed for a miracle, and this is the perfect time.
A few reminders from the Bible to help you if you are in a battle right now:
We face a real enemy. This is a real issue originating from the gates of hell.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)
Don’t Let Fear Pin You Down
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Is. 41:10)
You Are Not in this Alone
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” (Ps. 34:18-19)
God Does Not Condemn You But Offers Peace
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” (Ps. 55:22)
“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” (Rom. 8:1-2)
He Has a Plan for Good in Store for You
“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)
There is Hope for Better Future
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jer. 29:11)
Never quit.
If you or a loved one is struggling with suicidal thoughts or tendencies, please get help. Don’t try to face this on your own. There is hope and healing, and there are many who will journey through this trial with you. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) at any time day or night 24/7, to talk to someone who understands. Or go online at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org for more information and help.
-AD
