A Letter from My Mother-in-Law

Note: This is a guest post from my mother-in-law, Angie Adams, in honor of the 20th anniversary of her son’s life, Wesley Dunchof. 

LESSONS I LEARNED FROM MY SON DURING THE WEEKS LEADING UP TO HIS DEATH

After everything had been done to treat Wesley’s leukemia at MD Anderson Cancer Center (traditional chemo, radiation, numerous clinical trials, and a bone marrow transplant), the doctors & medical team came in to tell us that there was nothing more that could be done.                         

• Wesley’s response? “God has blessed me, Momma.” When I asked him how he could say that, he replied, “Because I know what I am going home for, and He has given me the opportunity to tell everyone that I love them. My friends could have an accident and die suddenly. They would never have the opportunity that God has given me.”

Lesson learned: Never pass up an opportunity to tell the people that you love them. Tomorrow is not promised.

• Another statement Wesley made during the weeks leading up to his passing was, “I have asked God, why me? I had so many plans for my life.  But I’m so glad God chose me instead of you or Amber (his sister) or Trent (his brother). He understood that God’s plans (even though they are hard to understand) are greater than his.

Lesson learned: Even in the midst of trials, we still can find reasons to praise God and be thankful for His plan.

• Wesley created a bucket list after realizing his life was coming to an end. He lived every single day as if it were his last. He wanted to make sure that his family and friends were included. He loved being surrounded by those he loved. 

Lesson learned: Life doesn’t last forever. So much of what we do won’t even matter in the grand scheme of things. Live life to the fullest. Make time to spend with those who mean the most to you, no matter how busy your schedule may be. 

• Wesley not only told the people he loved how he felt, but he “showed” his love. He realized that the people he loved were more important than material possessions. His favorite restaurant was El Palacio in Ozark. All of our family got together and went to dinner there during his last week of life (this was one thing on his bucket list). On the way, he asked if it was ok for him to give his truck, his prized possession, to Aaron (his cousin). Aaron was turning 16 soon and didn’t have a vehicle yet. Wesley asked to sit next to Aaron at the restaurant. In the middle of the meal, he reached into his pocket and handed his keys to Aaron. 

Lesson learned: Things of this earth will pass away, or we will leave them here one day. There is no earthly possession more valuable than your loved ones.

• Until the day of his death, he took every opportunity to witness to everyone he came into contact with—family, friends, and even strangers. A few days before he passed away, he wanted to go outside. I helped him walk out.  He stepped into a pine straw bed to smell a magnolia bloom, and he fell. I couldn’t help him up by myself without hurting him. Within a minute, two ladies drove by to help. Once we got him safely in the house, he shared his story with these strangers and gave them a mustard seed coin. He had used these coins as a way of sharing his journey and his testimony. He passed hundreds of these out during the course of his illness. 

Lesson learned: Our life, our experiences (the good, bad, and the ugly) are our testimony. Someone today needs to hear how God has helped you through some of the most painful and heart-wrenching times of your life. It may even be a stranger. Never pass up an opportunity to tell of God’s goodness, mercy, and grace.

• Another impressive statement that Welsey said during those last days was “I hope that something I did (research trials which included extra spinal taps, bone marrow biopsies, and horrendous chemo regimens) will help save someone’s life in the future. 

Lesson learned: Our actions, inactions, and sacrifices may make a difference in someone’s life. Reach out to those hurting, go the extra mile, and live your life to make a positive difference in the lives of those around you. 

• Family and friends filled our house on his last night on earth. Even though he was unresponsive most of the night, we talked to him, prayed with him, and sang to him. At one point during this time, he reached his hands up toward the sky. We weren’t sure if he needed something or was reaching for something. I believe he was reaching out to Jesus. 

Lesson learned: John 16:33(NIV) “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” I know that Wesley was at peace that night. He had his family, his friends, and his Heavenly Father there with him. And he was going to be completely healed and in the presence of God by the next day. Joy came in the morning! 

As parents, we are supposed to teach our children about life. It is so incredibly hard to relive in my mind these last days with Wesley, but I never want to forget the lessons that he taught me.        

The loss of Wesley tore our lives to shreds. The grief was more than we thought we could bear. We felt our lives would never be normal again. God used so many friends, family, and even strangers to help us through these past 20 years, and for that, I am eternally grateful! But it is ONLY by the Father’s grace and His unimaginable love for us that we have rebuilt our lives. We all still miss Wesley tremendously! The heartache is sometimes unbearable. But God is the God of all comfort, and we know that He will be here to comfort and prepare us for other storms of life that we may encounter.